Scaryduck's House of Lies

Albert Einstein hypothesised that the closer you get to a black hole, the slower time progresses.

This theory was proven by Professor Stephen Hawking, who, after constructing a black hole in his Cambridge laboratory, managed to achieve orgasm for thirty-seven years, or ten seconds, depending on your point of view.

Unfortunately, the hideous side-effects of his meddling with the very fabric of space and time, not to mention his trouser parts, are all too clear. His lab assistant, Miss Hitomi Sakamoto, has not been seen since.