Wednesday, April 23, 2008

 

100% of FACT: Climate Change

In order to win the Battle Against Global Warming, citizens are encouraged to keep their fridge doors open at all times.

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

 

100% of FACT: Little Chef

In order to get around strict advertising rules, all Little Chef restaurants MUST be staffed by people no taller that 4' 6".

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Monday, October 08, 2007

 

100% of FACT: Belle de Jour

Much time and energy has been wasted in attempts to ascertain the identity of one of Britain's most enigmatic bloggers, authors and now TV star Belle de Jour.

"Who is this secretive celebrity slattern?" Media Guardian writes.

We know.

We have known for years.

Step forward: Ann Noreen Widdecombe

Sorry. We had to swallow a little bit of sick as well.

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Friday, August 31, 2007

 

100% of FACT: Samuel Pepys

Samuel Pepys' diary of 1665 featured a map of Ye Olde London Und'rground inside the back cover.

Pepys and his good friend Sir Isaac Newton played the first recorded game of Mornington Crescent that year, Newton triumphing through the use of the now obsolete Shoreditch Plague Diversion.

Monday, August 20, 2007

 

100% of FACT: Ann Noreen Widdecombe

Celebrity ambulance-chaser and thinking retard's crumpet Ann Noreen Widdecombe, having admitted defeat in her quest to beat prostitution, has decided to throw in her lot and join the slatterns.

She now offers a twenty quid happy finish, which will be VAT and tax-free under a future Conservative government.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

 

100% of FACT: NASA

The recent NASA report that revealed drunken and possibly drugged-up behaviour within the Astronaut Corps is nothing but a cover-up.

The organisation has known for years that Major Tom is a junkie.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

 

100% of FACT: The Corrs

The Irish band The Corrs are so named because when the girls arrived for their first recording session the chairman of the record company was heard to say ‘Cooooooooooooorrrrrr !!!!’. The name stuck.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

 

100% of FACT: Scandal

The government has admitted to supplying the dangerous chemical DiHydrogen Monoxide to every home in the country, despite the substance being implicated in virtually every case of death by drowning on record.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

 

100% of FACT: Pope Benedict

Fresh from his controversial remarks that drew the wrath of Muslim communities from around the world, Pope Benedict XVI is set to stir up an all-new hornet's nest with his latest encyclical to be delivered to the Roman Catholic faithful, entitled "The Buddha: Up Yours, Fat Boy".

Friday, September 22, 2006

 

100% of FACT: Fire

Never use the elevator when leaving a building during a fire alarm. This is because the fire brigade need it - hence the phrase ‘fireman’s lift’.

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