Scaryduck's House of Lies

As well as adding a leap-second to the end of 2005, scientists are now telling us that, their calculations are wrong and next year will be, unfortunately, 1975.

Flared trousers are back in, Slade are number one, and they've dug up Harold Wilson to be Prime Minister all over again.

In order to prevent bubblewrap from getting damaged in en route from factory to customer, it is carefully wrapped in bubblewrap.

After inventing the telephone in 1876, the first ever phone call was between inventor Alexander Graham Bell and the Norma Snockers Red Hot SeXXX Line.

The world’s first itemised phone bill arrived two weeks later, which Mrs Bell opened. Bell spent the next two nights sleeping on the couch.

Widely known as one of the world’s greatest wits and authors, Oscar Wilde has now been credited with writing the classic poem:

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Paid my penny
Only farted

The original has been preserved for the nation, and can be inspected in the Gents' toilets at the British Museum.

New from the Easy group of companies: EasySlattern: Revolutionising the way you pick up loose women on the internet.

All the EasySlattern staff are in the company colours: orange. So the chances are you'll pay your £9.99 to Stelios and get Judith Chalmers. You gets what you pay for, suckers, and in this case, it's Chlamydia.

It is illegal under the 1987 Mullet Prevention Act to cut someone’s hair in Great Britain without first registering as a member of the Worshipful Guild of Barbers, Hair Stylists, Toupee Fitters and Close Harmony Singers. Members are expected to undergo a rigorous training course involving:

* Proper use of scissors and electric cutters in a combat situation
* Correct dispensing technique of “something for the weekend” in order to cause maximum embarrassment to the customer
* Close harmony singing and wigs
* The proper procedure for clipping annoying kids round the ear without the parents noticing
* What to do if you accidentally cut someone’s ear off (run away)
* The reporting of mullet-wearers to the correct authorities. Many senior barbers possess the "Double-O" prefix - the legendary "licence to kill" - to deal with persistent offenders.

Anyone caught operating without a correct Barber’s Licence is liable to a six month prison sentence or face being paraded through local streets with a no.3 bowl haircut and a 1980's Top Man jumper.

If you run a barcode scanner over any zebra, it will read the number '666'. Proof positive that this figure is indeed the number of the beast.

Entering the words "search engine" on any popular internet search engine will cause a catastrophic infinite search loop, creating a massive cross-server overload which will eventually crash the entire internet. It’s a known bug which Google and Microsoft have had top people working on for years.

Yellow snow is a naturally occurring phenomenon and is perfectly safe to eat.

The German version of the world’s favourite quiz show is called “Ve Have Vays of Making You a Millionaire”.

The tallest building in the World is the Great Tower of Clacton, standing at an amazing 12 feet tall on the seafront of the English holiday resort. Visitors can pay a small fee to ride the funicular railway to the top, from which you can admire spectacular views of the High Street. On a clear day, you can see as far as Frinton, almost two miles away.

A youthful Tony Blair once appeared on cult TV show “Jim’ll Fix It” where Jimmy Saville fixed it for the young Anthony to be Prime Minister for a day. However, once the cameras packed up and went home, nobody told the boy to stop, and he’s been in the job to this day. Saville, you’re a bastard.

Ever wondered why opera singers tend to sing the same line over and over and over again? This is just in case there are any Americans in the audience. Take, for example, Act XXIII of Wagner’s Flight of the Oberammerscheissekartofflekopfgeschaft. You may hear:

“The queen is dead ! The queen is dead !
The queen the queen the queen the queen is dead dead dead dead dead
The queen is dead ! The queen is dead !
Dead dead dead dead dead is the queen queen queen queen queen !”

This will be followed by a loud voice from the most expensive seats in the house: “Gee Wilbur… What happened to the Queen ?”